hope you don't mind these
"What we know about Osama bin Laden is this -- he's worth $300 million,
he has five wives and 26 kids ... and he hates Americans for their
'excessive'
lifestyle."
-- David Letterman
"The leaders of the Taliban said today that killing bin Laden won't solve the problem. But, you know, it couldn't hurt."
-- Jay Leno
"More and more details coming out now about spoiled rich kid Osama
bin
Laden. Time reports this week he was one of 52 kids. Mother must be
exhausted.
This guy inherited $80 million at age 13 and has since expanded it to $300 million through construction, smart investments and gas and oil investments. This way, he can use the money in his war against capitalism."
-- Jay Leno
"You read about all these terrorists, most of them came here legally, but they hung around on these expired visas, some for as long as 10-15 years. Now, compare that to Blockbuster; you are two days late with a video and these people are all over you. Let's put Blockbuster in charge of immigration."
-- Jay Leno
"More and more facts coming out about Osama bin Laden. You know, he never sleeps in the same place two nights in a row, just like Clinton."
-- Jay Leno
"This Osama bin Laden guy, spoiled rich kid worth $300M. I have three words for this guy: Anna Nicole Smith. We send her over there, she'll get his money, he'll be dead in a week."
-- Jay Leno
"One of the Taliban spokesmen said they have thousands of men who
look
forward to death like Americans look forward to living, which is great
because
we can arrange that. We'll set them up with death, we'll continue living."
-- Jay Leno
"Things have really changed here in Hollywood. Used to be people in
this
town couldn't wait to get an envelope full of white powder."
-- Jay Leno
"I don't mean to harp on this, but it's like the networks are a
how-to
manual for terrorists. You see them on the news. This reporter is standing outside a water treatment plant, going, 'If they poured the poison here it
could
wipe out thousands because the guard is off duty from noon until 1 every
day!'"
-- Jay Leno
"The FBI is! urging all Americans to beware of any letters or
packages
that have badly misspelled words. Man, this is going to be terrible news for
the
rap industry."
-- Jay Leno
"Tomorrow night on NBC a very special episode of West Wing, it makes
a
direct reference to what happened in New York City. The exact plot is being kept top secret. We are the only country in the world where we put our battle plans on CNN, but the plots to our TV shows are top secret."
-- Jay Leno
"Now this really annoys me: All these people getting on the Internet
and
saying Nostradamus predicted this. If Nostradamus were alive today his name would be Miss Cleo and he'd be charging $2.99 a minute."
-- Jay Leno
"U.S. Government has said they are now going to go after the
terrorist's
electronic banking system. You know what they should do? They should transfer bin Laden's funds to my bank. They'd mess up his deposits, screw up
his
statement and nickel and dime him to death with service charges."
-- Jay Leno
-
Pat Hawkins